The Science of Soulmates
In this podcast (episode #362) and blog, I am going to talk about the difference between a significant other and a soulmate.
A soulmate is a word we use to describe a human bond that involves a deep and satisfying sense of peace and connection. We literally wire this connection with our mind (our “aliveness”, or our ability to think, feel and choose) over time into our brain and body.
When we first meet a “kindred spirit”, the more intense the thinking, feeling and choosing that goes along with this “spark”, the more we wire this bond into our brain, which results in stronger emotions and their corresponding chemical, electromagnetic and genetic reactions in the brain and body. This sets up a sense of “longing” for the person we are in relationship with that only being together can satisfy. The more this longing is satisfied, the stronger it gets, creating an even bigger “longing” in a constant feedback loop that grows and develops over time. A relationship with a significant other is also wired into the brain and grown in the mind and body, but does not necessarily have the same “longing” factor, although this may develop over time.
Society puts a lot of pressure on us to find a soulmate. It is a consistent theme in movies and books. We all love a great love story! However, the ever-shifting social rules defining what this love should look like can negatively impact our understanding of and search for a soulmate. We are all different, and all have different desires, wants and needs. The key is to let everyone find their own soulmate in their own time—to define what a “soulmate” looks like to them.
Sometimes people may spend time in relationships with people who might not be “the one”, but are rather trying on different relationships for size. Everyone finds love in their own way. Sometimes someone may have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. There is no “one size fits all”, so don’t despair if your past relationships have not looked like what you imagined or assumed was love.
If you are someone who feels a lot of pressure to find a “soulmate”, give yourself grace and space. Take your time, be open to the possibility of deeply satisfying soulmate love, and, while waiting, pursue kindness to yourself and others. And embrace life with all its ups and downs, all its celebrations and struggles; this will help you appreciate and see love when it turns up.
Remember it is not just about you, but about you in the world. You have something wonderful to give this world, even if it may seem minor right now. Living like this will help open your soul to all the love the world can give.
For more on relationships and soulmates, listen to my podcast (episode #362). If you enjoy listening to my podcast, please consider leaving a 5-star review and subscribing. And keep sharing episodes with friends and family and on social media. (Don’t forget to tag me so I can see your posts!).
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1:28, 11:10 The difference between a soulmate & a significant other
2:50, 4:44 What deep, meaningful connections look like in the brain & body
8:40, 12:45 Why love will look different for each of us—there is no “one way” to find a soulmate
15:20 Do what works for you, find love in your own idiosyncratic way & be kind to yourself
16:50 The importance of accepting the highs & lows in life
This podcast and blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional.