It starts with something small. A comment, a bill, a light someone didn't switch off properly. Suddenly your chest burns, your shoulders rise around your ears, and you're about to snap at someone who doesn't deserve it.

On a recent episode of The Dr. Leaf Show, my daughter Dominique and I talk about exactly that moment: what to do right then, and what to do afterward so it stops catching you off guard.

Start with your body

When everything piles up, your body reacts before your thoughts make sense. Your heart races and your breathing goes shallow, which makes it worse. So drop your shoulders and breathe in for three, out for seven. Do that six times, which takes about a minute. The counting gives your mind a rhythm to hold onto, and that rhythm creates a gap between you and the reaction.

Breathing alone won't fix it

I know everyone says to breathe. But if you only breathe, you'll land right back where you started. Breathing gets you ready. The next step is what gives you your power back: say what's happening aloud if you can, or in your head if you can't. "I'm feeling this because of that." When you acknowledge it without denying or judging it, it stops hovering in the dark and becomes a problem you can work with.

Your stress response is a signal

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn: whichever one you go into, it's telling you to pay attention to something. Each one also has a smarter version. If you notice you want to fight, you can turn that energy into being assertive about what you need right now.

The small thing is rarely the real thing

When a small trigger sets off a big reaction, it usually means other things have been piling up unprocessed. Stuff them in the closet long enough and eventually everything falls out. Getting through the moment is only the start. Later, when you can sit down, write it out and work through the pattern with the Neurocycle so it doesn't keep ambushing you.

In the episode, Dominique shares a real moment when this happened to her, and I walk her through a fast Neurocycle live.