Have you ever walked into your family home for the holidays and felt yourself slipping back into old patterns—people-pleasing, shutting down, overreacting—even when you thought you'd grown past them? You're not alone, and more importantly, you're not imagining it. In this week's episode of The Dr. Leaf Show, I explore the fascinating neuroscience behind why this happens and what you can do about it. Listen to the full episode here.

The Science Behind Holiday Triggers

It's not just psychological—it's neurological. When you return to childhood environments, familiar voices, smells, and even the layout of rooms can activate dormant emotional pathways in your limbic system. Your brain essentially pulls up old programming, triggering survival patterns that you developed years ago, even if they no longer serve you today.

Think of it like this: your brain has been storing memories and emotional responses since childhood, creating neural pathways that were designed to help you navigate your family environment. When you step back into that same environment—same dining room table, same family dynamics, same roles everyone expects you to play—your brain automatically retrieves those old patterns. It's doing what it was designed to do: prepare you for what it expects based on past experience.

The challenge is that you've grown and changed. You've done the work. You've developed new ways of thinking, responding, and being in the world. But your brain doesn't always get the memo when you walk through that familiar front door.

You Can Stay Grounded in Who You Are Now

The good news? You can stay anchored in your present identity. In this episode, I share practical, science-backed tools to interrupt those old scripts and keep control of your mind, even when your environment tries to pull you back.

You'll learn why childhood environments trigger survival patterns in adulthood, how familiar sensory cues activate your limbic system, and most importantly, what you can do about it. I walk you through my 3-step Holiday Grounding Plan—a practical framework you can implement immediately—along with simple Neurocycle® strategies you can use before, during, and after family visits to avoid emotional regression.

These aren't just coping mechanisms. They're tools for rewiring your brain's automatic responses so you can show up as your authentic self, not the version of you that your family remembers from years ago.

The 5-Step Neurocycle: Holiday Family Visit Grounding

One way you can do this is using my 5-step Neurocycle method. Here's how to apply it specifically to holiday family visits:

Situation: Feeling triggered or regressing to old patterns during family holiday visits

Step 1: Gather Awareness

Notice when your body signals an old pattern is activating—tension in your shoulders, heat rising, or the urge to withdraw. Recognize familiar triggers: a specific comment, the smell from the kitchen, or standing in a certain room. Ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now? What triggered this reaction?"

Step 2: Reflect

Explore why this moment activated you. What old survival pattern is trying to take over—people-pleasing, shutting down, or snapping back? Remind yourself: "This response belonged to a younger version of me. I'm the adult version now." Consider what unresolved identity loop from your past is being replayed.

Step 3: Write

Journal or voice-note your observations. Write down: the specific trigger (e.g., "Dad's tone when he asked about my career"), your automatic reaction (e.g., "I felt small and wanted to defend myself"), and one alternative response aligned with your present-day self (e.g., "I can calmly acknowledge his question without over-explaining").

Step 4: Recheck

Review what you've written and identify the pattern. Ask: "Is this reaction serving who I am now?" Notice how your body feels as you consider a new, chosen response. Visualize yourself using your anchor phrase ("I'm the adult version of me") and responding from your present identity instead of your past programming.

Step 5: Active Reach

Create your action plan. Choose a physical anchor (touching your watch, shifting posture, taking a slow breath) and pair it with a neutral micro-response phrase like "Noted," "I am enough," or "Let's circle back." Practice this combination now so it's ready when the trigger appears. Commit to using your anchor in the moment to give your prefrontal cortex time to re-engage before reacting.

This Holiday Season Can Be Different

This holiday season, you don't have to slip back into who you used to be. You don't have to brace yourself for conflict or shut down to survive. With the right mental tools and an understanding of what's happening in your brain, you can show up as the person you've become—grounded, intentional, and fully in control of your own mind.

The holidays can be a time of genuine connection rather than survival mode. It starts with understanding your brain and giving yourself the tools to manage it effectively.